


piquant fantasies

by smolbeanqueen236



Category: Original Work
Genre: Poetry, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-15 23:19:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17538218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smolbeanqueen236/pseuds/smolbeanqueen236
Summary: excerpts of a conversation that was never completed.





	piquant fantasies

**Author's Note:**

> italicized parts are his words to me.

his words will always stick with me.

_i don't think you ever really 'get over it,' you just... kind of get used to it._

i believe in the stoic willingness to accept suffering, also known as unrequited love. you get used to the dull ache of want, even accept it because you know that the afterglow will be glorious, but sometimes the reward of the afterglow is not enough to endure the ache of want.

i have no romanticized illusions about unrequited love, as it is nothing more than prolonged pining, but even if love doesn’t work out, it still exists. sometimes, that knowledge is all I need to get me through another day.

many depictions of unrequited love, from the classics to modern day love songs, show the sufferer as being heroic or noble for their dedication to an unobtainable fantasy, but I have to remind myself that the fantasy is often more piquant than the reality.

in reality, nobody wants to deal with reality. people would much rather be encompassed by the fantasy, which leads to more suffering in the long run. it really does hurt, wishing you were joined but only being able to share a joint to make feeble attempts at forgetting their name.

what many don’t realize is the fact that it’s okay to suffer; it’s okay to accept that pain. accepting that pain is accepting the reality. this is not to say that I am a masochist; i do not set my insides ablaze for fun; i do it for the chance to whisper out the names of lovers that will never be.

unlike cardiac tissue, the emotional heart is quite resilient, so let it heal itself in the wake of destruction. do not shelter it.

_just remember: everything is temporary; both pain and less painful things. i have faith in you._

i’m always stuck between the fear and the what ifs. since everything is temporary, trying to decide on whether or not to act upon the fantasy is difficult. the fantasy holds many maybes: maybe if the circumstances had been right, maybe if i had taken a chance, if i had said something. but maybe i would have regretted speaking up. would that regret have been greater than the regret i have now? would it have been better to have not known him at all? walking on eggshells, only making eye contact while talking, avoiding unnecessary physical contact, all to keep up pretenses. these are the harsh realities.

circumstances are as they are, were as they were, and many questions are always left unanswered.

_enjoy the good things when you can._

i need to remind myself to heed these words, to reflect on the good things that have come and passed. he is another good thing, and maybe we’ll pick up when the circumstances are right, but until then, he will remain an unproclaimed lover. he was real, maybe a little too real, but real nonetheless. he is the reason I believe in unrequited love.


End file.
